Sunday, December 23, 2007

Call & Search

Now that I'm twenty-ish years old, or even I'm getting old like thirty-ish, Or forty-ish years old. And so all these years have given most of us neither the pleasures we assumed and some get nor the big payoffs they always dreams about. Reward and laurels may come form time to time as we work hard on it, it's true, but the hapiness they bring doesn't last very long. There are the peak moments, of course...and the stretches of sunshine.

But why do we/I always seem overshadowed by the gnawing sense of unfulfillment, the sameness of days? There's a say :" most people get a fair amound of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering and only the very young or the foolish imagine otherwise."

And so here I , we stand together at the crossroads, wunderkinds, and gazing Janus-like forward and back, trying to firgure out what the rest of our days on earth will bring. Trying to formulate a strategy. Trying to discover where the gold of happiness and fulfillment lies hidden. Trying to find out if there really is any gold.

And then that little voice comes again: Time is running out, is this really all there is?

Life, is like setting a sail on a boat that we all know is someday going to sink.
Such thoughts are troubling. But what can I/we do except live as fully as possible, and enjoy the things we've been told will make us happy?

So I and most of us have a love affair. We buy a new dress-shopping spree. or guy go for a new car. Some look for a better job, or work harder at the one they have.( work is boring than pleasure) Some visit the gym. Some monitor diet. Some rent videos. On sundays some persure the travels section of the paper, looking for an escape that will whisk them away from this stale reality and make them feel like we're really alive. Or knowing that it can never be so, therfore some use drugs and alcohol to fill the void.

Yet! no matter what divesions we turn to, that little voice keeps returning." Is this it?" it ask again and again. And if it is, why do i feel so unfulfilled at a time in life when I'm supposed to be enjoying the greated rewards? If these are the best years of my life, why do i feel so empty?"

to be continue...

posted by : rach.v

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Time Flies.. ( Warn : Long/bored entry)

Time is running out ! - It's a sunny day of late December, it's end of the year just to remind. A lazy weekend, everyone is out of the office, everyone is on leave today, few of the colleague will be leaving this sunday for long holiday! There are no calls to return, no people to see. The day is mine.

Surfing the net and chatting on the MSN is the thing i been dying to do in the office. But soon I look away the screen again - looking at the screen makes me restless. Try to go for walk and slacking around in the office, but that's not satisfying either. Somethingis eating me inside, and none of the usual diversions seem to help.

Back to my work desk, the view outside the window still the same as it was just now, yesterday, and the day before. Chat with few friend on MSN for an hour and this passes the time. But when stop chatting, where i stop typing as well, there is the silence again.

There's nothing wrong, really. Nothing's pressing. Look forward to these very moments of peace and quiet in the office for all year long.Why then is it so difficult to let go and enjoy?Finally I realise what troubling me.

It's that little voice again, the one that keeps piping up during the silence and raiding the same litany of disturbing questions. "Is this all ?" it asks. " This place? This mate? This job? This life?""Time is running out." it whispers. "A portion of my life is already over ( doesn't mean I'm old, but growing older). Shouldn't things be better? Or at least different?"

But hang on for second, better than what? Different from what?I'm not sure, we're not sure. All we know is that one morning each of us, rich or poor, succesful or not so successful, wakes up again and say hi to the world to find ourself in the same troubling place. The wildly successful professionals who've made a small fortune, but who can't seem to enjoy their success; the artists and writeers and poets whose youthful hopes lie buried beneath a pile of rejection slips; The tired Lover and paramours, all coming to suspect that romantic relationship are not, after all, the best way to fill that deep, lonely place in the heart.

Many of us, it turns out, in one way or another come to this same Sober realization, that life does not seem to be giving us what we want. But what it is we really want? We can't excatly say.

There's one ting we do know for sure, however: this little voice has a way of provoking rebellious thoughts.

Wasn't life supposed to get better and better as the year pass? I ask...didn't I do what I was supposed to: go to school, join the team, work hard...and etc!

( to be continue..)

posted by : rach.v

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Have to start everything new, decide to leave the old blog and start on the new one! Yet, stil not sure who will be reading this all, hopefully someone random/ new people.

Been working as a trainee almost 2 month, I repharse, not even 2 month like helloowww, I did count before I start the intern, is only bout 40+ day or so, which is not too bad. Met up new people here, such as some ang moh lang ( white/caucasian), from holland, german , and british. At first, I really can't get along with my team mate, which his from holland, he show me his attitude that make me hate him so badd!!

After few week we talk to each other like close friend and go drink after work. How funny is that. My manager from holland too, yeh, he a nice guy but a 99.9% workaholic. I can't wait to back to uni life, but at the same time I'm gonna miss this all. Wtf !

posted by : rach.v